As I have posted in the past (here), I was in a time of waiting. It was a hard valley and a dark time for me. I am still in a waiting period, but I am no longer waiting for an answer. I am waiting to start a new journey God is leading and directing my family towards. I have a renewed hope He has something in store for me.
Many times I have heard pastors and teachers and speakers say God answers prayer with a yes or a no or wait. A couple of years ago now I entered into what seemed like a long time of waiting. I thought God would answer my pleas with a certain amount of relief and vindication for the pain and suffering I felt during this time. My meditation was on Psalm 40 where David sings about God lifting him out of the pit of despair and giving him a new song. When the answer to the wait came I felt no song, I felt no vindication, I felt no relief. I felt let down and sad. The answer looked nothing like what I hoped and longed for all those long months. During the wait I was asked several times what I learned through the situation. I did gain more life experience and prayerfully some life wisdom, but I truly had a hard time coming up with some learning points while still in the middle of what was a dark period for me. I now have an answer to the wait and have had some time to process. Here are some of my initial takeaways:
- Leadership can be very lonely.
- God is Sovereign: not in that He dictates peoples actions (people can grieve His Spirit), but that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God” Romans 8:28. God is making a wonderful masterpiece even out of the hard and evil sufferings of this life.
- Jeremy and I grew stronger in our marriage. I think he is a lot closer to understanding the hardships of being a women in certain cultural contexts I happen to navigate through daily. We have nailed down some of our marital objectives and identity. I am praying we can start a new course in this area.
- Even though I was not fully able to use my gifts in this season I am now confident God can empower me and use me. He has gifted me with the ability of teaching His Word! I am truly humbled.
- God used this period of time to grow and train Jeremy and me in ways we would never have thought possible if we had not gone through this valley.
- All things will be sorted at the Bema (II Cor 5:9-10). Now is the time to steward what God has given me.
Here is my meditation as I enter this new season and I leave with you:
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy SpiritRomans 15:13